Ill-informed Piss Me Off!

“Children deserve full-functioning, natural, loving, dedicated relationships with both of their parents equally, in and out of marriage, whenever possible.Which feminist along the way forgot to read the manual? Equal means equal."
Taken from www.sharedparenting.org

This is a quote found on a few websites I recently saw regarding “shared parenting”. I’m happily married, with a brand new son so why am I looking at shared parenting websites? A friend of mine is currently going through a legal battle with an ex husband who has a proven track record of not holding up his end of their “shared parenting” plan. His (the ex-husband’s) mother thinks that what she wants is what she should get and had created a legal battle that has dragged on for some time.

While I agree that all children deserve to have all the things mentioned in the quote above, I part with the ones who subscribe to this way of thinking as being unconditional regardless of what the individual circumstances are. My friends Lizze & Rob have shared the parts of their story throughout their blog that they can. The parts that do not jeopardize their son’s current situation, and give a small piece of the situation that is going on is what they choose to share with those who care to read all of it. Most would think if you don’t want the comments, don’t put it out there… but by them sharing their story they are indeed opening themselves up to comments from people who don’t take the time to find out what the entire story is. This happened recently and is what caused me to want to voice my own opinion.

I have spoken to both Rob & Lizze at great lengths about this situation. While, admittedly, I do not know everything about the situation from what I do, I can assure you that they are truly loving parents who are fighting for a child who often fights against himself. Never, have they said outright that they do not want him to know his father, but quite the opposite. They are just as confused as poor Gavin is as to why his FATHER is not completing the necessary steps to ensure a safe environment for his son. Furthermore, both are heartbroken that he is so removed from Gavin’s life.

You know what else? I grew up with a biological parent who CHOSE to not have anything to do with my life. My mom, much like Lizze (and Rob) never spoke badly about my biological father. At times, yes she made excuses (much like Lizze & Rob have had to do for Gavin) for his lack of interest in me or my life. As an adult, I found him and questioned what I had been told. It was true and actually put in a nicer form then what was the actual truth. Due to Gavin’s conditions, he can’t do this. Rob & Lizze both know this. And yet, they have tried to foster a healthy relationship with his father for him but his father chooses to make the decisions he does and not include himself in Gavin’s life.

So I guess… this blog is more my response to a Mr. Joel Johnston who seemed to imply that Lizze and Rob where failing at their job of co-parenting. Get the facts Mr. Johnston (if that is in fact your name) and realize that sometimes a blog does not and cannot contain all of the facts that would make the situation crystal clear to you. Your comments where about as rude as someone who walks up to parents of any child and suggests that they are lacking as a parent based on the behaviors/interactions that you see in a split second. Go ahead and claim that there is PAS (parental alienation syndrome) being caused here, because I can assure you, it’s not. And by all means, I’m sure that Lizze and Rob both would love to have some help for a day, week or a month… why don’t you offer to walk in their shoes as they fight to give their son what IS in his best interests while dealing with all aspects of what they are against.